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26 September 2014

Life is fragile

It is actually somewhat scary that in recent weeks there are a number of people I know personally that have died!
It came as quite a sad thing and a shock that someone whom I knew from when I was 5 years old passed away last week. I had seen her just a couple of weeks ago and she had looked fine. She was only in her late 50s.
Then this past week there was an old lady of 98 years old, who I happen to be friends with her family, passed away. She was old and sickly, and I could see it coming.

But still, Life seems so fleeting sometimes. It is so fragile and delicate. As a famous author once said " do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. For you are a mist that appears for a little while and then disappears."
None of us truly want to die, and those who do, well they are in great pain.

Of course with death comes mourning, grief and funerals. I have lost people I care about. I grieve for them and miss them dearly.
But I am not one for funerals. Its just one of those things that I cannot face. I have friends who have lost loved ones, and as dearly as I love those friends, I just cannot bring myself to attend those funerals.

I am a living, breathing being. The dead know nothing. So what good is my moping around and weeping and wailing at a funeral going to be? How will my attending a funeral help anyone? How will anyone attending a funeral help?

I would rather love you, give you flowers, talk to you, laugh and cry with you, than do all those things "in memory" of you.
I know that saying all of this probably sounds crass and harsh and cruel and unkind, but I dont get why that is our social common. Death is unnatural, there is no escaping that fact. Therefore the way that each individual living person deals with death is unique, and yet there is no true "correct way" to deal with it, there is no wrong way either.

Possibly my darkest and harshest thought as far as funerals goes is my grandmother who died nearly 3 years ago. I loved her dearly, and spent many days with her. When she got cancer I was at her bedside at least part of every day for about 2 months. But then she decided (who knows why!) that she wanted to go to America to die. I was devastated, it tore me up inside to say goodbye to her, because the day she climbed on that plane, we knew that was the last time we would ever see her.
And yet as tragic as it was when she died, I was relieved. Relieved that her intense pain was gone. But also relieved that she was on the other side of the world when she died and that I didnt have to attend her funeral. Because if she had died here, I dont know if I could have dragged myself to her funeral. My own grandmother's funeral I dont believe I would have actually attended!

So, when I tell my friends that if they are doing something stupid and dangerous I will not attend their funeral, they can know its true. If someone I care about dies, I will still do everything I can for their loved ones who are mourning, I will still support them and love them and help them. But I will not attend that funeral.
My friends and loved ones know this and yet they still love me. Aren't they the best!

As for me personally, I don't want you guys to have a funeral for me. Funerals are miserable and depressing. Wakes, well those sound awesome, but are rather unscriptural, so that is out of the question.
What I would prefer is that you all have some form of happy event, celebrate that you knew me rather than mourn my being gone. Laugh about the good times, and be happy that I'll be back before you know it. This will be my grave!
Or even better, message me now, right this minute. Or come visit me now, while I am alive and well. Dont say you'll wait till tomorrow, dont say you'll wait to visit next year, because life is so fleeting and everything changes.

Maybe you or I will get into a car accident this week, perhaps I'll suddenly get terminal cancer, or heaven forbid you catch ebola. My dear friends, life is fleeting, let us be friends now, not after we're dead and gone and have to think of all the "what ifs".

Dr Seuss...please quote at my funeral.....unless i get murdered..... Then it might be awkward